Caring for yourself when goodbye is approaching
If you are reading this, you may be facing the possibility of saying goodbye to your companion animal, or simply finding yourself thinking about what lies ahead.
Companion animals become part of our everyday lives, our routines, our families. As they grow older, become unwell, or as circumstances change, it is natural for many different thoughts and emotions to arise.
Loss can happen in different ways. It may come through illness, old age, euthanasia, sudden death, or through separation, such as after a relationship breakdown or other life changes. Every relationship is unique, and every loss carries its own story.
This post is here to offer compassionate information and support as you find your own way through this experience.
When grief begins before the loss
Although your companion may still be by your side, you may already find yourself grieving the changes that have come with illness or aging, as well as the loss that lies ahead. Preparing yourself for the possibility of losing your companion animal is often referred to as anticipatory grief; the grief that can begin before a loss occurs. You may grieve the healthy dog you used to walk, the playful puppy you once held, or the companion whose familiar presence you cherished. You may also notice yourself grieving future moments you know you will not share together.
Realizing that you are approaching final goodbyes can bring many different thoughts and emotions. You may experience sadness, worries, anger, anxiety, hopelessness and guilt. You may also notice moments of laughter, enjoyment, or relief. These experiences do not diminish your love or mean you are grieving any less. Difficult emotions can exist alongside moments of peace.
There is no right or wrong way to experience anticipatory grief. Every relationship is unique, and every loss begins in its own way. Whatever this time is like for you, you do not have to carry it alone.
Making space for emotions
Every person is different, and every situation is different. It may take time to process emotions, whether its sadness, joy, guilt, anger or else.
Allow yourself to welcome these emotions, and experience them at your own pace. There is not one way to get ready, nor one rythm.
Be kind to yourself
This time may feel emotionally and physically demanding. As you care for your companion, try to remember that you also deserve care.
Some days you may want to gather information or make plans. On other days, simply sitting quietly together, taking a walk, resting, or doing something that nourishes you may feel enough.
There is no set way to move through this time. Whatever feels most supportive for you today, allow yourself to meet it with kindness and compassion.
Ask for support
This time can feel lonely. You may wonder who will understand the depth of your relationship with your companion animal, who will listen without judgment, who you can talk to openly and who will support you on this journey.
Feeling heard and supported can make a meaningful difference, yet grief for a companion animal is not always fully socially recognized, so you may find that some people do not understand the depth of your loss, or may respond in ways that feel dismissive or uncomfortable. If that happens, it does not mean your grief is any less real. It may mean that you need to look for support in places where your experience will be met with care and understanding.
You might consider turning to a psychologist, a pet grief counsellor, a pet loss hotline, or online support groups dedicated to pet loss, where you can connect with people who understand what you are going through and be supported in these times.
Mgr. Clothilde Harout
Psychologist.
A compassionate therapeutic space to navigate grief, life transitions, existential concerns, relational difficulties, and the unique emotional experiences that arise within the human–animal bond.
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